Working mom sadness

Being a working mom is a blessing and a curse.

I love that I get to interact with adults daily (well, most days anyways) and I love that I keep my brain at is freshest.

However, it is so hard when I feel like I miss everything.

Yesterday when I picked #2 up, her teacher told me she rolled over. Several times! I have not seen her do it at all.

I miss all of her smiles and her laughs.

Her teacher feeds her more than I do. Her teacher gets to read to her. Her teacher gets to teach her.

#1 has been really clingy lately. Just this morning, she repeatedly asked me to hold her; she says “Holdja, holdja.” “Sorry, #1, mommy has to go to work.” How sad is that?

Last night she wanted to cuddle on the chair. My #1? Not a cuddler.

And everyday, she shocks us with things that she knows that we haven’t had the chance to teach her. And she knows how to do things that we didn’t show her.

And it makes me sad.

I know that they have the best childcare I could pick for them; their teachers really love them. But sometimes, I wish I was the one that got all of those cuddles; that got to do all of the praise; that got to do all of the teaching and the reading. Sometimes I really wish it was me.

(Wow, I didn’t realize I was quite so emotional about this; I have tears in my eyes. I guess I just needed to get it out.)

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  1. I can’t imagine how hard that is. I struggle with the thought of going back to work or continuing to stay home. I want the interaction and a life outside the SAHM role but I think I will also miss that once I have that job outside the house. Glad you let it out and hopefully you feel better about it. Spring break is right around the corner and you can cuddle with your girls instead of going to work!

  2. Oh, I know EXACTLY how you feel! Sometimes when I pick up Aiden, his sitter is SO excited to tell me what he did that day. I'm excited to hear it, but I so wish I could have been the one to witness it! Mike is always telling me it's okay–Aiden knows who is Mommy is, and that she's trying to make sure he has a great life by working. I'm sure Izzy & N have the same type of mom 🙂

    I love having the daily adult interaction, too, but sometimes on a day off, I sure wish I could be a SAHM full-time…

  3. I sometimes have the opposite struggle because I have stayed home since they day BG was born. I worry if I am doing enough while at home. Am I teaching them everything they should know by now, are they getting enough social interaction, are they tired of me? I really wish there was a happy medium. Job sharing? Mother’s guilt…it sucks.

  4. awww, I’m sorry 🙁 I dont have kids, but I can only imagine how upsetting that could be 🙁

  5. Oh Krystyn, I am so sorry you are having this turmoil. That is the famous mommy guilt that we feel no matter what path we chose. You must be a wonderful mother to worry so much about them:)

  6. Oh, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It must be so hard. You are such a fabulous Mommy…your daughters are so lucky to have you!

  7. I do feel for you! I am a County Certifed Childcare Provider and I do it in my home. We do a daily curriculum with the 2+ year olds. I try my best to NOT tell the parents when the child does their “firsts”. I think it is more important that the parent gets to see it on their own. I once worked out of my home and didn’t like it when I heard about their “firsts” from someone else. I wish you good luck dealing with this.

  8. I don’t have children yet, but my best friend has struggled with the same situation. My heart goes out to you. You seem like an awesome mom and love your daughters and family so much. They are very lucky to have you 🙂

  9. Krystyn,
    As a child care provider – I NEVER tell me parents about a first happening here until them tell me. The baby just cut is first tooth last week, I didn’t say a word until them mentioned it. That’s a rule I have, so parents like you don’t feel like you are missing out. You could ask them to do the same.

    You are benefiting your children in them seeing you being a strong, successful woman that they will be too.

  10. This is exactly why we waited to have kids until we were financially able. If it’s necessary for you to work, you don’t have the option, but sometimes I wonder why people choose a career over their kids if they don’t have to. I’m not saying you have, that’s just how I sometimes see it!

    We have a friend at church who constantly tells us she’s a better mommy if she works (I’m still trying to figure out the logistics of that one, personally). She shows no remorse over working, doesn’t have to work, always chooses her career over her kids, shoves them in daycare and never looks back. THAT’S what I’m talking about. She’ll never get these years back with her kids!

    You seem like a GREAT mother, Krystyn. I often forget you work, actually. If you don’t have to work, maybe you should sit down with your hubby and try to figure out how he feels! Would you be happy staying at home with them?

  11. This is me too. Some days are much harder than others to take it all in.

    Karys is the same as Izzy too. She comes up with and says and does new stuff daily. And it’s not me teaching her. And it breaks my heart because no matter what, I’M the MOMMY.

  12. That must be so hard. I’m sorry. 🙁
    I plan on going back to school/work when the boys are all in school, and even that makes me sad/nervous a bit. It is such a double edged sword, huh?

  13. That must be really difficult for you, especially if you have no other choice but to go to work. We made the decision that I would stay home and I would never choose otherwise because of the reasons you listed. I just will not miss out on those special moments. Its why I had kids. But its required tremendous sacrifice. No cable, rarely eat out, I buy most of my clothes at Target off the sales rack, we haven’t had a vacation in 3 years (remember the cruise pic – that is the only vacation that we have taken alone since having kids; the other was to Disneyland this year and that was only because we had a military discount). But its all worth it. I would never go back to work, I have never been more fulfilled. But everyone is different and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.
    I was a daycare kid and it was the best thing my parents ever did for me. My childhood daycare provider is a surrogate mom to me, my spiritual mentor. Her and her husband led my family to Christ and I am so thankful to have been placed in her care at 6 months old.
    Hang in there. Sending prayers your way.

  14. I hear ya sista!!
    It gets a little easier the older they get (or maybe thats just what I tell myself!)
    When Landon took his first steps at home, I couldnt wait to tell his teacher the next day! She then told me he had done that for the last few days, but she wanted me to to see it “first”!!
    You are a wonderful mom and give so much to Iz and Nat!!

  15. Aww you're breaking my heart a little! I can't imagine how hard that is! When we were little my sister and I were in daycare while my parents worked & I remember loving my pre-school teachers, but there was nothing better than when my mom came to pick me up! That bond is stronger than anything else! Sorry you’re having a rough time… hope it gets better!

  16. i just can’t imagine friend.

    embrace the mommy tears and all those extra snuggles with izzy.

    at the end of everyday you are still their mom and nothing ever takes that away!

  17. I am at the other end of this. I think that whatever end we are on sometimes the grass looks a teeny weeny bit greener SOME DAYS than OTHER days…like missing HER first rollover. It is a very emotional thing…whatever end you are on.

    Just today I felt like I am the worst ever stay at HOME MOM because nothing was going right.

    I offer you a big FAT VIRTUAL HUG! I needed that tooo!

    HUGS HUGS!!!

  18. I know how you are feeling. At one point I was just so jealous of Carter’s babysitter I just couldn’t stand it. The exact same things were driving me crazy.

    I have finally realized that it is best for my sanity and for Carter to have a break from each other, it makes our time together so much better.

    Just remember all of the dirty diapers that you are missing and the break from the naptime battle.

  19. I feel the same way. It sounds like you have them in a great place that cares about them and wants to teach them.

    Atleast we get the summers off with the kiddo’s.It will be here before we know it!

  20. That must be so hard!

  21. Sparkette says:

    I feel ya. 🙁 That’s why I decided to get out of the Navy. I am tired of missing stuff!

  22. I am sorry that you are sad… thanks for the reminder to be thankful for the situation I have, although there are certainly days I would love to go to work.

  23. My mom went through this with me too. I went to daycare from 6weeks old on. It’s a fun process to watch them grow though!

    Love, Mere

  24. RachelAnn says:

    Sorry you’re having a hard time *hugs*

  25. I hear ya girl, it’s hard. I worked when Ben was a baby and although I enjoyed my job and the adult interaction, there was always this nagging in my head about my little one somewhere else. But he was always fine and so are your girls. Big hugs to you!

  26. I feel the same way, but I know that both of my kiddos are smart and I attribute that to “school.” I also know that I am a better mom when I go to work everyday and have something to work on…..besides keeping my kids from fighting!!

    You are awesome!!

  27. It will be fine. Just think… if you were at home all day with the both of them you would be begging to go to work for a few weeks (like me. PS- I didn’t say that.) It is good for them. They are learning to make friends.

  28. You know, we’re going through the adoption process and we had to think about what our plan is for when the baby comes home. We were talking about it, and I will have to be a working mom too. I have the better health insurance and I also work at a school where we will want our kids to go (and I need to be employed to get them in.) I was thinking about how as a teacher, I probably get my students’ best hours, and the parents get the homework, the cranky and the bedtimes. And I know it will be like that when I am a parent. The teachers will get the majority of their days. But it’s what we have to do, isn’t it?

  29. Hang in there, Mommy! Your girls will some day be old enough to appreciate your hard work in every way!!! They’ll understand.

  30. Smart A$$ Mom says:

    I can only imagine what you are feeling like. Any mommy emotions of inadequacy are heart breaking. I really believe that right now, this is what is occupying your mommy checks and balances. And it will change as years go by. There will ALWAYS be something. Regardless if you are at home with them while they are tiny or when they are bigger and at school all day. In the grand scheme of things, these are effects only YOU experience. They will never know, or probably care who was there when they rolled over. Who was there when they had their first heart break? Who was there when they threw up on themselves at lunch? YOU. That’s all that maters.

    I hope that came out right. You know what I mean, right?

  31. I could never do it. I’d pretty much sell everything I own instead of leaving my kids and going to work…Good for you for being able to be a working mom though! 🙂

  32. Awww, I had little tears too! And I don’t even have babies, but I can only imagine how difficult that must be! But it is so wonderful that you found someone so great to help the girls!! Hugs to you and those gorgeous little ones!

  33. Oh Kristen, I know it’s tough. But it’s a blessing you have such wonderful childcare. And I can see you are a wonderful mother and your girls love you very much. I hope you are feeling better.

  34. Honestly – I don’t know how you do it. I have a really hard time leaving my kids with a great sitter when they are whiny and clingy – so I know (to a point) the kind of heartache that you go through, daily.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts – they gave me a lot of insight to how working moms feel.

    Keep up the great work that you do!!

  35. You are saying all the things I’m afraid of, for when I go back to work after having the baby. We thought about me being a SAHM and then quickly laughed at the idea cuz there is not way in heck we can afford to live on one salary.

    But I continually think, how am I going to feel, missing all my baby’s milestones? And I won’t get home from work till 6:30pm so will I ever get to feed my baby dinner? Or have enough quality time before bedtime? I worry about it daily and this kid isn’t even HERE yet. LOL

  36. Aw, I can only imagine how it feels. But I think if the girls are happy at daycare and the teachers there are good, you are doing an awesome thing for them!

  37. The tears are rolling down my face! I am selfish and just imagine if you miss what you do, how is it possible for me to miss more? Solution: Move to Texas where houses are cheaper and you can have family watch the kiddos for free and then you can anly work part time…if you even have to work at all! I love to solve problems!

  38. You are a great mom. I used to work in childcare and believe me, if you know that the teachers love the children then you are in the best childcare situation possible. I know that they parents loved the continuity of care that we provided and they were able to visit at lunch and during the day no problem. I wish all parents had that opportunity. One thing though, just make the time with them the best, its quality not quantity. I loved the times I would pick up my son and we would walk home and talk about the pigeons on the phone wires doing ballet and the witch tree. This was when he was four. He is not 16 and remembers those days.

  39. I am a working mother with 3 kids. I have to agree with Stephanie- it does get easier the older they get. You know, there is a great book titled “Escaping Toxic Guilt” by Susan Carrell, that you might be interested in checking out- I know it helped me. This book helped me face my feelings of guilt work through it. Since that time, I have felt less guilt and have enjoyed the kids more (during the times when I am home with them).

  40. I am so sorry that you have to leave your little ones. I know how hard that must be. You want to be the one there with them each day to see all of the “firsts” and kiss the booboos.

    I taught up to a month before my first was born…. then I was blessed to be able to take an 18 years leave of absence to raise my family. Amazingly after my 18 year break I was hired by the first school district that I interviewed with…. and taught for 22 years.

    In the long run teaching high school for 22 years was long enough. If there is any way that you can teach part time or take a few years off to be with your sweet girls I would encourage you to do so. They grow up so fast and then they are gone.

    That might not work for you to do that but it was surely great for me. I would not trade one single year that I stayed home with my children for another year of teaching. My heart is sad that you have to leave them. My thoughts and love are with you. Love, Grammy

  41. I can understand how hard this must be on you. Even though there is “no place like home”, at least you know they are in the best hands possible (after your own).


  42. Awww…I hope you are feeling better. Mommy guilt is the pits. I feel it, and I am currently a SAHM who works part-time. I’m actually getting geared up to go back to teaching full time a little sooner than expected due to this crazy economy so I’ve been thinking about some of the things you mentioned. But I also think about how we teachers get time off in the summer and at holidays and we can be home by 4pm (hopefully) each day. That was one of the reasons I chose to go into the profession. Also think of how much good you do each day for those kids that you teach!

    So try not to be so hard on yourself. I’m sure your girls know that no one in this world loves them as much as you do! (I’m sure I’ll be referring back to this comment when I’m having one of those “mom guilt” days after I go back to work. haha!)

  43. Oh Krystyn, I know. It’s such a struggle. When I hear some of the amazing and wonderful things my kids do at school, I can;t help but feel a little sad that *I* didn’t have the energy/time to do it with them too. What REALLY gets me is when they talk about the parent volunteers that come in…oy. One of these days *I* will take a morning off and BE that too.

    (Glad you’ve caught N rolling over on video now.) 🙂

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