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You might think it’s cute

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Alternate title: Things that might seem cute the first time you hear them, but after a while, they get offensive.

First, I’ll give you some suggestions of nice things to say to me about my kids:

Notice, none of these say he/she or him/her in any of these.
“Oh, what a cute baby.”
“What beautiful hair.”
“Look at that gorgeous red hair.”
“Such a sweet heart.”

Things that really aren’t so nice to say to me about my kids.

“Where did she get that red hair?”
Well, I could draw a Punnet Square and do a lesson in genetics, I’d rather not. Red hair is recessive. Two people that do not have red hair can and do have kids with red hair. In fact, both of our girls have red hair. I don’t like the implication that she’s not mine or my husband’s.

“Oh, wow, she doesn’t miss a meal does she?” or the alternate “Are you sure you are feeding her enough.”
Ummmm…. I want a healthy happy baby and she is that. I do take offense to this. I feel like people are implying that I am over feeding her or underfeeding her (in #1’s case; she was seriously underweight). Kids are different (#1 at 4 months, 4th percentile; #2 at 4 months 50th percentile). They will be different shapes and sizes. And, yes, I do have silly nicknames for them that go according to their sizes, “skinny mini” and “chuck a munk” but those are mine!!! So, yes, it may be a double standard.

#1 at 4.5 months

#2 at 4.5 months.

I want my girls to know they are beautiful and gorgeous girls and I don’t like the fact that people at society are already weighing in on how they look and their sizes.

“So, are you going to try for a boy” or “when are you going to start trying for a boy?”
First of all, my reproductive system and mine and my husband’s reproductive practices are none of your business. Second, I really don’t like my girls to hear that. I love them. We love them. I don’t want them to feel like we love them less because they are girls.

We are so happy, blessed and fortunate to have such beautiful, healthy girls. It really doesn’t matter what gender they are.

And, when you ask #1 “Are you beautiful?” and she responds “No, I’m gorgeous” know that she is and that she will always think so.

Look at me and my silly hippos. How could I feel any differently?


This is not directed at any one specific comment either here or in real life, just things that I have been noticing and been bothered by. I know that people mean well when they ask them, but when I hear them repeatedly, I do start to get offended.


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36 Comments

  1. Hmmm…is this what I have to look forward to? LOL

  2. People ask me about the boy thing all the time and it drives me crazy too! Do I want a boy? yes! Will I love this baby any less if it is another girl? NO!

  3. Your girls are both absolutely georgous!! My husband is a red head and always says that red haired girls are the prettiest!!

  4. Ok, I’m guilty of calling N chunky once, but for the record, Chicken had a few pounds on her by her age. Not only that, but I LOVE chubby babies because you can squeeze them and skinny ones so you can keep them little a little longer!

    And I know exactly what you’re talking about when it comes to the “are you having any more?” Or for me I get annoyed when people say, “Man, you’ve got your hands full with three kids 3 and under!” To which I respond, no they’re good kids and while every day isn’t perfect, I love every moment.” sometimes they’ll say, “You’re a better person than me.” To which I WANT to respond, “Yes, I am.” But I hold my tongue. ;oD Then there’s the “You sure are lucky your kids are so good!” I get livid with that one. It cheapens the hard work I’ve done with them to MAKE them good. I always respond, “It’s not luck, it’s hard work.”

    I know you said you weren’t aiming these at anyone, but I just want to make sure I didn’t offend you when I said she was a chunky monkey. If I did, I hope you’ll forgive me!

    You and your kids are so BEAUTIFUL, Krystyn, all of you in your own special way!

  5. First, I agree, your girls are so very beautiful!
    But then I just had to let you know a similar thing just happened to me today, like a few hours ago. We were at an appointment for my husband and a man commented that Ava was pretty, but then he said she “looks healthy”. I took this to mean chunky and got a little offended. I just smiled and said oh yeah. That was the first time for us, it didn’t bother me too terribly much. I don’t think.
    I guess I better get used to it though, because she’s probably going to always be a little chubby considering my husband and me- before I lost weight. And I know it’s hard for people (especially without kids) to discern what might be offensive. So I also agree that we need to just always comment positively to our girls, and boys.
    Oh, and I get the ‘when are you gonna give Ava a little brother or sister’ all the time too. Yes, it’s none of anyone’s business.

  6. I can understand where you're coming from and I don't blame you!

    I've probably been guilty of a few of those before…never thought about it like that though!

    Your girls ARE gorgeous — and so are you! I LOVE that picture of you & the girls!

  7. My sister & I have red hair & neither of my parents has red hair, so I remember hearing that all the time! In fact, I still get that sometimes! That picture of you and the girls is adorable! Both of your girls are too cute, that's all that matters! (and that they're healthy!)

  8. Skinny, chunky, red headed..I love it all about them!!! You and Matt should be (and I know you are!) very proud of your 2 girls!!
    Brush off the comments whenever you can..people dont realize how rude they can be with their comments!!
    I get the “are you ever going to have another one..he is already 6” Like I dont freaking know that already!!! lol
    Love the pics!

  9. Arg. I hear you! What gets me is “Oh, you have 3 boys!” NOOO…seriously…I know she’s a little lacking in the hair department. But girly and PINK people. Girly and pink! Also I get, “wow, are they all yours?” Ummm…no, I saw this one in the parking lot.”
    I love the picture at the end. Izzy is so sweet (and clean!) looking! I love how the towel is covering Nat’s eyes. Is she crying? You look beautiful too!

  10. Haha!

    My favorite is when someone will say, “She sure is coming around. She gets prettier everyday.”
    Was she ugly vefore then? Idiots don’t think sometimes.

  11. Well, you know I have a sensitive place for the boy/girl comments right now. EVERYONE who knows I have two boys says “So are you hoping for a girl this time??” It’s driving me nuts. I’m hoping for a healthy baby people!

    In other words, I feel ya! ; ) And I feel since I became a mom myself, I tend to censor comments like these before I even dare make them!

  12. can i just say amen and high five sister!!

    seriously people really can be so annoying sometimes. ugh!

    ps – the three of you together has pure delight written all over it 🙂

  13. people are so stupid, both of your girls are gorgeous!! I am loving their locks and baby cuteness!

  14. AMEN!
    I have actually written a few posts like this one myself.
    I always get the, “Where do they get the blond hair from?” And I even heard a guy in a restaurant shout to his wife, “I wonder whose kids those are because they sure don’t belong to THEM!” I wanted to punch him in the face.
    Do I really have to explain to people that my hair used to be super light blond and curly when I was little? Do I really have to tell strangers that this dark brown is not my natural color and that it is actually dishwater blond? Is that really their business?
    And don’t even get me started on the “are you gonna try for a boy” comment. I have three boys. I hear that comment ALL THE TIME but in reverse. 😉

    People are just dumb.

  15. I know how ya feel. I am one of 3 girls and my parents were constantly asked if they were trying for a boy. My Dad always said no, that he always wanted girls. I always really loved his answer and knew that he meant it. It made us feel so special.

  16. eek! Sorry if I’ve ever said anything offensive! I know I’ve told you before, I think you have a beautiful family!

  17. I totally know what you mean. Husby and I still don’t have kids yet, but once I got married someone said:

    So your kids will be at the back of the alphabet.

    Really?! I love my last name – it symbolizes love, happiness and my family. Whether my kids sit in the front or back of the classroom really shouldn’t matter.

  18. I know… I have heard so many things come out of people’s mouth. I think we need to think of something witty to say in response. Im sure if we put our heads together we can.

    PS/ You are too darn cute! As are the girls.

  19. The pictures were awesome in this post! I loved seeing Isabelle as a baby. As a newer follower it was fun to see her then. And you look beautiful – and so happy with your girls.

    I think people, in general, mean well but it comes out wrong. Since the day I met my husband it’s been “When are you getting married?” And now since we’ve been married it’s been “When are you having kids?” or better yet “What’s wrong – – Do you know how babies are made?” Really, people?! C’mon! A little respect!

  20. some people!!! Girl, I have always wanted a red headed child. I think both of your girls are beautiful!!! I love their hair. I think red hair is so unique and beautiful!! Love love it!!

  21. Jigging in J.Crew says:

    I just found your blog and I think it’s adorable (as are your girls!!!). I LOVE LOVE LOVE red hair and am always jealous when I see girls with it!

  22. The picture of the three of you are just precious!!! I understand the comment thing…sometimes people just want to say something (wrong or not…just trying to have a conversation). You are fortunate to have two BEAUTIFUL (inside and out) girls!!!!!

  23. i honestly can’t make an appropriate comment yet b/c I am itching to hurt the people that said rude comments….need to breathe and I will post something different.

  24. I would totally be offended too! You have every right to be. Some people say things but you SO KNOW they mean something else. It’s hurtful and rude. Sorry that happens to you so often. 🙁

    Love, Mere

  25. I got that with Wyatt being slow to crawl and walk – ugh.

    Some people just don’t have filters.

    It makes for a very FUNNY post though 🙂

  26. I completely agree and so surprised at what people are comfortable saying! Hubby and I joke around that all of our kids could look completely different because he’s blond, I’m brunette, and we both have red in our families 🙂 I think your girls are gorgeous and that pic is soo sweet!

  27. Dennis and Leslie says:

    I don’t have any children and even I know not to say or ask these things!!! so rude….

    Ok, I know I say this EVERY time I comment, but your girls are so frickin’ beautiful and adorable!! I love their red hair and rosy cheeks!!

  28. I am constantly hearing comments like “What are you feeding these kids?” It drives me crazy. My kids are healthy and actually below the 50th percentile for weight.
    Why don’t some people have an appropriate filter or for that matter a brain to really think about what they are saying?
    Your girls are beautiful and regardless of others’ comments they will certainly feel and know that growing up.

  29. You are a great Mom and your girls are BEAUTIFUL! Give them both a hug for me!

  30. I once had total stranger, who could not have weighed one pound less than 250, come up to me and ask me what the doctor said about my baby being so fat. I wonder if she ever got up off the floor.

  31. I hear ya on the comments – Karys was 75% for weight and over 100% for height. So I still hear “huge” and “amazon” all the time. And yeah, it’s irritating.

    It never occured to me to ask about the red hair cause I always thought of you as having red-ish hair. I always wanted red hair growing up so I consider them both lucky. And beautiful.

    I know it’s hard, but you just have to try to not let the comments get you down. But I do know where you’re coming from.

  32. Native One is my chunkier kiddo and Native two is little. HE will be four in August and ONLY wears a 2t…yeppers! Yes I get comments about it!

    OO MY FAVORITE COMMENT IS THIS:
    O did YOU ADOPT THEM? ESP when they were infants because they really looked ASIAN! Yes I was asked DID I ADOPT MY BOYS! When I was alone in the mall and did not have MY KOREAN HUSBAND with me!

    How about this comment that BURNS ME UP…OO YOU BOYS MUST LOOK LIKE YOUR DADDY…what the h#$^ is that suppose to mean?

    My Aunts Daughters hair is RED and my Aunt has suffered also from comments of WHere in the world did she come from…look at that red hair. MY Aunts daughter is 15 now but it has driven my AUNT NUTS over the last 15 years the comments she got insinuating that Kari was not hers or her husbands. SHE would LOVE YOUR POST!

    I loved your post and have a great day and try to stay warm!!!!

  33. I think your munchkins are gorgeous beyond belief and I as well wouldnt care if I had 5 girls or 5 boys, its the fact that you have a child (your own creation) that is important. People really can be careless and insensitive sometimes. In life, we just cant let them get to us.

    I feel worse for the women that get asked, “When they are due…when in fact, they arent even preggo”. Talk about a person putting their foot in their mouth!

    As long as you and the family are happy, your life couldnt be anymore blessed. MUAH!!!!

  34. I actually exclaimed out loud “oh look at that cute little thing!” for your bath picture of Isabelle. My daughter had “more rolls than a Thanksgiving dinner” so I got very used to the comments – from the Doctor no less!. Either they are too thin – too chubby – too long – too short. My goodness are all adults exactly the same?

  35. blueviolet says:

    It’s amazing how freely strangers will offer up rude commentary on our children, isn’t it?

    Your girls are beautiful exactly as they are!

  36. I think I can agree with every. single. one of those. It’s funny how 2 babies can be eactly the same size almots and are built differently. Oh, and when people hear we have a boy and a girl, I still get comments like “oh, the prefect family” which is annoying as well. They are my kids and I love them no matter what.

    I do however know a woman who kept having babies that she couldn’t afford because she so desperately wanted a girl. I just don’t understand.

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