I have enough toilet paper….and 34 other lies I tell myself.


As parents and humans we tell ourselves a lot of lies daily. I’m still not sure why. Are we gullible to ourselves? Do we believe ourselves? I think not. And yet, we continue to lie over and over and over again.

The lie that prompted all of this nonsense? That I have enough toilet paper in my house.

I have enough toilet paper and other lies I tell myself

The truth? I never have enough. It is always on my shopping list. Always. So, I thought it would be fun to come up with a list of other lies I tell myself as well as the lies of my friends. Apparently? Liars love company! I partnered with SheSpeaks/Walmart to put together this list.

34 Lies I Tell Myself

1. I’m all caught up on laundry..

Bwhahahahah. I know you can hear the laughter now. And, I’m sure you are all caught up on yours, too.

33 lies I tell myself

2. I’ll do it when I’m ready.

Ready. That’s funny. Like I’m ever really ready for anything!

3. I can go another day without buying contact solution.

My eyes. They disagree. Never push contact solution to one more day. And, let’s be real, the same goes for deodorant, too.

4. No more toys will enter this house.

Again. The laughter. So many toys. So. Very. Many.

5. I will only buy what’s on my list at the store.

Now, I’m pretty good about not being impulsive, but I have a candy habit and it’s bad!

6. I don’t forget things.

Right. Never. I’m an elephant. (Just not the elephant in Zootopia.)

7. I’m just going to put this right here in this special place so I remember where it is.

Ask me how long it took me to find my non-nursing bras. Go ahead….ask….

8. My kids will never…

I don’t even need to fill that in, because the list goes on. But, let’s just say, my kids will never draw on my furniture because I always put writing utensils away and so do my older children. Right…

33 lies I tell myself

9. I will remember birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.

Thank goodness for google calendar and the ability to set multiple reminders.

10. I will not pull my kids from school for trips.

There is so much to learn on so many adventures. I don’t know why I told myself this one to be honest. They are much better story tellers and writers after traveling.

33 lies I tell myself

11. I will catch up on sleep tomorrow.

Oh, it’s midnight already? No worries. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

12. Breakfast for dinner is a quick and easy dinner.

I mus be doing it wrong, because the idea seems so easy, but 18 pans and 45 dishes later, I’m spent. Next time, let’s just have spaghetti with meat sauce, okay?

13. Sour cream and greek yogurt are the same thing.

They. Are. Not. Close, but not.

14. Running / Bootcamp will get easier after a year.

Why? Why does it never, ever get easier?

33 lies I tell myself

15. I’ll just run to the store after the kids go to bed.

Or, I’ll just sit her on the couch or at my desk and not move for the next three hours. That sounds like a better plan.

16. Just 5 more minutes.

18 hours later…

17. A pool trip is the same as a bath.

Chlorine is good for your skin and hair, right?

18. The kids are staying up late tonight, so they will sleep in tomorrow.

This. Has. Never. Happened.

Why haven’t I learned in almost 10 years at this gig?

19. Taking four kids to an amusement park by myself will be a piece of cake.

Although, it could have been worse, but I was ex.haus.ted.

I have enough toilet paper and other lies I tell myself

20. I don’t go to bed angry. -Pat

Let’s be real. I’m tired. Sometimes, it’s just easier.

21. I don’t care. -Emily

This. Every. Single. Day. I need to put a star or an asterisk by this one.

22. I’m not fat because of how I eat, it’s because i don’t have time to work out (everything is more important than working out- spending time with kids, sleep, cleaning, work, etc…) -Caroline

Yes. All of the things. Add in a full-time job and I don’t even remember how I did it all.

23. Yes, we DO floss regularly.-Barbara

This one? Nope. I don’t even tell myself this.

24. Going to the park, a walk around the block, up and down stairs, gardening etc. is pretty much working out. Surely, my activities around the house are like going to the gym. -Lorrenda

As long as it’s 10,000 steps, right?

25. Pepperoni Pizza is a balanced meal- has all 4 food groups. -Caroline

This IS true, right?

26. If I just make it through (fill in the blank) things will get better –Kuleen

I can only dream. And yet, every day!

27. I’ll do it after I put the kids to bed. –Katie

Sleep, right? You’ll sleep after the kids go to bed?

28. I played a basketball game so I can eat unhealthy all week. -Matthew

I did bootcamp all week, so I can eat a couple servings of potato chips, right?

29. I limit screen time to an hour a day… except when I’m with a customer, or someone’s sick, or the weather is bad, or I need a break, or I have extra chores, or I have to feed the animals… or… or … or -Ashleigh

I lose all abilities to tell time when it comes to this!

30. She can’t possibly get any sassier than this… -Laura

Oh, Laura. You have no idea!

31. I’m going to the gym tonight when I get the kids in bed. -Amber

This bedtime thing is a real struggle.

32. I’m just going to read one chapter before I go to sleep. Or check Fb/Instagram real quick. –Hannah

That is the fastest two hours of my day.

33. My kids will learn to do chores. –Mindy

Teach me your ways.

34. I’m going to quit picking up and cleaning up after them and just let them live in the mess they create. -Rachel

I lasted like one hour. Okay, maybe two days.

Avoiding the lies.

So, here’s the thing. I can’t help with like 99.9% of the lies. I certainly can’t help myself.

But I can help with the first one. I can Avoid The Oops of running out of toilet paper because we all know how that works and I’m pretty sure there isn’t anybody in my house that will spare a square.

How? I can Shop Bathroom at Walmart.com and order everyday essentials delivered to my front porch. And, if I order enough (because laundry detergent, razors, shampoo, conditioner, etc), it’s shipped for free to my front porch.

avoid the oops

And, to help my kids not leave the empty roll on the holder, maybe I’ll just place this little case on the back of the toilet and keep it?

Nah. That won’t work either. Maybe that should be lie #35!

avoid the oops

Do share. What are some lies that you tell yourself? Or maybe you’ve had an oops moment that you could have prevented with Walmart.com’s online ordering?

I have enough toilet paper and other lies I tell myself


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  1. Pat Chance says:

    Boy, these are some good ones I didn’t even think of. that I am sure we ALL do at some point. Emily’s “I don’t care” is really good, and going to the gym after the kids go to bed? when does that happen?

  2. I agree with so many of these! I have like 3 special places for each item usually so whenever my husband asks me for something I’ll say there’s three options!

  3. Leigh Anne Borders says:

    What a fun post. I think I have heard myself say many of those same things:0

  4. alicia szemon says:

    I always have so much laundry daily to do! I just think i am done so i dont have to do anymore lol

  5. Julie Wood says:

    I really agree with so many of these sayings! They really do make sense and I know that I never have the laundry done! It always seems to need to be done! I have heard myself say so many of these things!!

  6. Elisabeth says:

    Yes to almost all of these! ESPECIALLY the toilet paper one! I’ve been trying to be better about keeping all of the bathrooms stocked!

  7. Ah, yes. The lies we tell ourselves.
    I will go over my music before chorus practice.

  8. Dorothy Hubbard says:

    What a fun post. I have told myself each one of these at one time or another. This made me smile today.

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