I’d rather give birth without drugs than go shopping for clothes


Seriously. Giving birth with no drugs was easier, quicker and less painful than clothes shopping for me.

I.just.hate.clothes.shopping. Too loose. Too tight. Too baggy here. Too short. Big gap. I look like a square. Oh look, a muffin top. Yes, a mu-mu!

Clothes shopping

Now, birthing babies? I can do.

I know my goal (birth the baby). I know how long it will take (a day or two tops). I know the pain won’t last forever (you seriously forget as soon as that bundle is here…at least I did). After, I won’t hate myself (look…a beautiful baby that I made!). I get to eat snacks and don’t feel the least bit guilty (nobody expects a mom that just birthed a baby to look good in jeans!)

Clothes shopping?

Goal? Get new clothes. How long will it take? F-O-R-E-V-E-R. After a million attempts in the dressing room grabbing 7 sizes of the same pair of pants, one will kind of fit and look terrible. Grab a sweater and the sleeves will make my arms feel like sausages yet the body is like wearing a potato sack! After the clothes shopping? I pretty much dislike all of myself. Because I can’t find a single thing that fits how I’d like! And don’t get me started on jeans shopping (whiskers anybody?)

Other things I’d rather do than go clothes shopping?

Root canal. Sit in a chair. Listen to music or watch TV. My crown is custom fitted to my tooth. Guaranteed fit. Still better than clothes shopping.

Family Vacation. Wait. Family Trip. With all of the packing and scheduling and being off-schedule. Still better than clothes shopping.

Scrub the toilets. End result? They will be clean. Only to get peed in again, but momentarily clean. So, I can sit back and appreciate my work for a few seconds. Still better than clothes shopping.

Sit in the ER with part of my thumb cut off. It only took like a month to heal. Still better than clothes shopping.

Scoop the cat’s litter box. Stinks. Gross. Still better than clothes shopping.

Attend an all day “team building” meeting. The kind with the same regurgitated content where everything you “learn” is a bunch of bull. Still better than clothes shopping.

Sit at the mechanics shop on a busy day waiting for an oil change. Still better than clothes shopping.

Get puked on by one of my kids. You guessed it, still better than clothes shopping.

So, yeah. Clothes shopping. Not a fan. Which is unfortunate because it’s not socially acceptable to go without clothes.

If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to grab my 5 year old jeans with real authentic holes in the knees and my favorite shirt that has been washed no less than a million times.

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  1. I wish you lived closer. We could go miserably shop for clothes together … but at least we could have fun doing it!

      1. Maybe … I already have plans for Mom2.0 and iRetreat. And I’m hoping for DSSM again! 😉

        1. Okay, mom2, maybe. I’ll be there! And, yes, DSMM would be awesome!

          1. We don’t have to shop to have a good time! 😉 But I’m happy to go with you if you want.

  2. jenna peter says:

    I can do clothes shopping, so I guess childbirth will be a breeze.

    1. Well, you know, everybody has their “thing!”. But, it should be easy for you:)

  3. LOL, I love shopping but I got a kick out of your comparison of what you’d rather do. I always tell my dentist I’d rather have a female exam than a root canal or any other dental work, and I’d rather scrub toilets with my hands (gross, I know, so I really don’t do it) than vacuum. I *hate* to vacuum, yet I do it daily due to a shedding white dog.

    1. My sister would agree with you about the dental work. I guess that doesn’t bother me..or the female exam. Yeah, I’m with you on vacuuming, too!

      Maybe when I grow up I’ll be good at shopping:)

  4. I don’t really like clothes shopping either. I tend to shop online more than anything and just hope and pray it will all fit me! Haha!

    1. I’m not even all that good at doing it online. But, it’s a bonus if a store lets me return for free!

  5. OMG, this is so me. I hate, hate, hate shopping for clothes. I’m so happy to hear that I’m not the only person out there who feels the same way.

    And the thing that drives me crazy is that if, by some miracle, I find something I like, it’s only in stores for a few weeks. If I find a shirt I like, I’ve even been known to buy it in five different colors just so I don’t have to go shopping again :).

    1. I need to be better about stocking up when I find something I like!

  6. Oh no I LOVE shopping you are just not trying the right things. I would love to take you shopping some time and show you how great it can be! Hang in there you will find the right stuff for your body.

    1. Deal….when will you be in Atlanta? I feel like I’m open to trying anything, but I never find anything I really like…except on very rare occasion!

  7. Lol! I personally don’t mind clothes shopping! Me and my daughter loved it. My son and husband hated to be dragged along though!

    1. Maybe I need your expert shopping experience to help me!

  8. This speaks to me…I’m dead serious! I had to find a dress yesterday, and it was such an ordeal. I actually dreaded it from the get go. And once I’m done, I feel like my body is all wonky or something. I was telling Dan I had to try on different sizes with every stinkin’ dress; I’m talking major size gaps! It was terrible. No two brands are sized alike. And jeans…oh my gosh…so hard to find tall jeans. Like you, I”ll take my good ole jeans and washed out t-shirt any day. I get it…totally get it.

    1. Dresses are so hard to find, too. Jeans are the worst, but dresses are bad….size 2 in one and 12 in another!

  9. You know what I hate about clothes shopping? Finding that the sizes aren’t consistent between brands. Sometimes I have range of 3 sizes in either direction.

    1. Yep..I usually grab a stack of clothes if I like it so I feel like one out of three will be correct.

  10. Yep When you are 4’10” with big boobs and a big butt you quickly learn to hate clothes shopping. Hem everything but take it out in the butt and breasts. Just nothing fits. It’s awful. You look great though!


    1. You are too sweet! I have a big butt and big hips and thighs…and I’m short, too! They really need to stop making clothes for super models!

  11. I hear ya. I’m plus sized and I went into Lane Bryant once and they had skinny jeans. I never understood that. I mean….I just never cared for skinny jeans. On some people I guess they look ok, but when I tried them on, I actually laughed out loud at how bad they looked on me. However, with that said, I would NOT want to give birth again!! ha!

  12. Love the list. Made me AND my hubby chuckle…especially since it is true. Thank you for sharing!

  13. Right there with you. I have like 15 hundred of the same shirt that I like in different colors, and 4 pairs of jeans, the same way. I HATE clothes shopping! If I find something I like, I buy a few! LOL

  14. I’m going to take a stab at something here. Now correct me if I’m wrong. But if I had to guess I would think you hate clothes shopping. Ha ha ha! I can’t stand clothes shipping either. I think that’s why I rarely do it unless I absolutely have to. I think I would like it more if I had a better relationship with my body.

  15. It’s been almost 40 years since I had my last baby and I still would rather give birth than go clothes shopping, I still have the same issues. Clothes just don’t fit.

  16. I’m not a big fan of clothes shopping either. I love having new clothes, but not having to shop for them. It would be great to be rich and have a personal stylist who fills my closet!

  17. This made me laugh… and feel sympathy for you as well. I typically start of really excited to go clothes shopping (because, you know, I only buy new clothes for my daughters). Then, once I start trying things on, my mood immediately changes to something nasty because nothing fits. Sigh.

  18. Haha I guess you reeeaaaly don’t like shopping for clothes. I had three natural births so I get your point 100% . I love clothes. I’m Parisian after all..and I wish I could shop in France all the time. But I live in LA.. I just focus on brands I know fit me well to keep shopping fun 🙂

  19. I would rather birth a baby, too, than go clothes shopping for myself. Birth is EASY compared to trying to find the perfect pair of jeans. You know what jeans I have been wearing for the past 8 years, that I love, that are my GO-TO jeans always? My maternity jeans. Best. Jeans. Ever. They have that stretchy band at the top, perfect for when you eat too much at dinner. I’m telling you, my most favorite items of clothing are my maternity wear. The maternity clothes these days are nothing like they were 20 years ago. No more moo-moo dresses or big billowy blouses (Big Billowy Blouses…BBB — sorry, reminds me of that Dr. Suess book, “The B Book”) so actually, one can get away with wearing maternity wear these days, even if they are NOT pregnant.

    1. So true..maternity clothes are awesome now. I love my tanks from pregnancy because they are long enough!

  20. Yeah, I completely agree with this. I’ve given birth twice without any drugs and I would gladly do it again instead of clothes shopping. Now raising the kid, that has different issues in itself. But it’s very rare to find anything that looks right on me.

  21. Ugh a resounding “YES” just came from the crowd. You know, I dont understand why it has to be so friggin hard. Why can a size 8 in this brand not be a size 8 in every brand? Why must I have to try on 4 different sizes up and down to get something that fits comfortably? And does the fashion industry not realize people have butts? Or thighs? And that having an ample butt or thighs does not mean that one’s waistline is ample too? Have they never heard of “hour glass?” And dont get me STARTED on what they think “curvy” is… I will get violent. OH OH OH – and having an ample butt and a small waist ALSO does not mean I am 6 feet tall, nor do I wear 6 inch heels. WHY are some jeans made for walking on stilts?!! GET DONATELLA ON THE PHONE!!! *sorry… /rant

    1. Oh, you are so getting me!

      I have booty for sure and not such a huge waist…and I’m not 6 feet tall nor do I ever wear heels. Where are the clothes for the booty-rich and average height women?

  22. I don’t love clothes shopping, but I consider it a necessary evil because I do love to feel good in what I wear. So as someone who hates shopping here’s a couple things I’ve learned:

    1. After babies, get refitted for your new bra size. It will change and a good bra can make all the difference. Also, while you’re there pick up some spanx type underwear. It might be a quick fix, but if you feel better in your clothes, who cares?

    2. When something doesn’t fit/look good, it’s not you, it’s the clothes–they were intended for someone with a different body type.

    3. Never try on complete outfits first. I always wear something that I like and looks good on me when I shop, and then I’ll try on all bottoms, if something looks good I’ll put it in a keep pile, then I try on all tops, then all dresses. And then I’ll mix an match. It might just be that one piece is throwing off the whole look.

    4. Do your hair and makeup. Dressing room lights are brutal, and you have to fight bad lighting with good makeup.

    5. Put on one “wow” piece per outfit–pattern, texture, color, can make a huge difference in your wardrobe.

    6. Try going to a consignment store that organizes clothes by S, M, L. It’s easy to try on a ton of different brands and find what fits you.

    7. If all else fails, find a friend who loves to shop and recruit her to be your personal stylist!

    Good luck!

  23. I despise clothes shopping. I order online from places that do free shipping to and from and take my chances. Hubby gets a lot of laughs out of the clothes that don’t fit. The ONLY place I will shop at in store is Von Maur. Pricey, but pleasant and not cluttered like most department stores.

  24. Ha, I feel the same way. It is so hard to find that just right item.

  25. Your title made me laugh so hard because I too know that feeling.. Althoug birth was pretty bad. I find myself NEVER going to the store and trying stuff on. I just order it online and do the hail mary that it fits!

    1. Maybe leaving out the hail mary is where I’m doing it wrong!

  26. Clothes shopping is such a nightmare sometimes, especially if I’m with my husband. Yeah I’d definitely trade him the daily cat litter box chore as long as I never ever have to go clothing shopping with him again. When it’s for me, it’s by myself and I can huff and puff and deal with my irritation on my own, but not only does he hate clothing shopping, he takes forever, is super-picky and won’t let me do it for him. Bamboo under the fingernails is preferable than going clothing shopping with him!

  27. Same here… well, the clothes shopping part! I won’t even dare buy anything online if I haven’t tried it on and loved it in the store. Finding something that fits and is flattering should be easier than it is!

  28. Hahaha.. I love going shopping since it gives me some time to myself.. but it is annoying trying on clothes, since no two items ever fit the same these days! Glad to connect through the type a parent FB linkup! 🙂

    1. Try about the alone time. I usually end up poking around at Target, but not looking at the clothes!

  29. Hysterical! And, sadly, so true. All of those things sound way better than clothes shopping. I dread it and avoid until absolutely necessary.

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