Seriously. Giving birth with no drugs was easier, quicker and less painful than clothes shopping for me.
I.just.hate.clothes.shopping. Too loose. Too tight. Too baggy here. Too short. Big gap. I look like a square. Oh look, a muffin top. Yes, a mu-mu!
Now, birthing babies? I can do.
I know my goal (birth the baby). I know how long it will take (a day or two tops). I know the pain won’t last forever (you seriously forget as soon as that bundle is here…at least I did). After, I won’t hate myself (look…a beautiful baby that I made!). I get to eat snacks and don’t feel the least bit guilty (nobody expects a mom that just birthed a baby to look good in jeans!)
Goal? Get new clothes. How long will it take? F-O-R-E-V-E-R. After a million attempts in the dressing room grabbing 7 sizes of the same pair of pants, one will kind of fit and look terrible. Grab a sweater and the sleeves will make my arms feel like sausages yet the body is like wearing a potato sack! After the clothes shopping? I pretty much dislike all of myself. Because I can’t find a single thing that fits how I’d like! And don’t get me started on jeans shopping (whiskers anybody?)
Other things I’d rather do than go clothes shopping?
Root canal. Sit in a chair. Listen to music or watch TV. My crown is custom fitted to my tooth. Guaranteed fit. Still better than clothes shopping.
Family Vacation. Wait. Family Trip. With all of the packing and scheduling and being off-schedule. Still better than clothes shopping.
Scrub the toilets. End result? They will be clean. Only to get peed in again, but momentarily clean. So, I can sit back and appreciate my work for a few seconds. Still better than clothes shopping.
Sit in the ER with part of my thumb cut off. It only took like a month to heal. Still better than clothes shopping.
Scoop the cat’s litter box. Stinks. Gross. Still better than clothes shopping.
Attend an all day “team building” meeting. The kind with the same regurgitated content where everything you “learn” is a bunch of bull. Still better than clothes shopping.
Sit at the mechanics shop on a busy day waiting for an oil change. Still better than clothes shopping.
Get puked on by one of my kids. You guessed it, still better than clothes shopping.
So, yeah. Clothes shopping. Not a fan. Which is unfortunate because it’s not socially acceptable to go without clothes.
If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to grab my 5 year old jeans with real authentic holes in the knees and my favorite shirt that has been washed no less than a million times.