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Two years later


I can’t even believe it’s already been two years. And yet I can’t believe it’s only been two years. It was a lifetime ago and yet just yesterday all at the same time. 

I know I will never forget. He will always be a part of us. A part of me. But everyday brings more healing.

A year ago, I wasn’t sure how to remember. What I needed to keep him with me. I ended up getting a wind chime for the front porch. Every so often the wind will gently blow and send it singing. Sometimes I don’t notice right away and other times, I’ll hear it as it starts up. Just a little hello mom. I’m doing okay. And I know it’s true. I also had a necklace made as a reminder. We’ve been blessed to add another charm to it for sweet E.

sweet E smiles

Two years later, life is different. I definitely didn’t imagine two years ago when I was in that little hell that we’d be here today. That’d I’d be nursing my sweet girl and she’d stop and look up at me with the biggest smile and just stare into my eyes. Something she’s never done before as if she knew it was just what I needed. (I tried to capture the moment minutes later, but I think the real moment was just for her and me. Only burned into my memory.)

I didn’t know how blessed we could feel again. I’m thankful for being able to acknowledge that blessed feeling. For this little girl. For her sisters and their daddy. 

E crawling

As if the nursing smile and the extra sweet cuddles at nap time today weren’t enough, she crawled for the first time today, too.

Each moment. Each new milestone. Each smile and each scream bring a little healing and a little reminder, too.

Two short years. Two long years. I’m very thankful for both.


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  1. I am glad you are feeling some healing.

    And you know, we would have never let a first child crawl and cry but a third, hey why not, right? ha ha!

    1. Thanks, Elaine.

      And, you are right. But, she cries pretty much every time she crawls. Mr. Serious says it’s like she’s crawling on hot coals.

  2. i know this feeling to my core…

    thinking of you friend – lots and lots of love.

  3. bringing tears to my eyes …. bless you, K. Cherish that baby girl and embrace the memory of your son.

  4. I am so glad you are healing and that you were blessed with beautiful little E. I know I can’t relate to your pain because I have never experienced your loss but I can tell that the experience made you love your babies more. So here is a big virtual hug. *HUGS* Btw I always thought that mad crawling was the cutest thing.

    1. Thank you! Yes, hugged and hugging them much tighter.

      Fro some reason, she seems to only mad crawl!

  5. It’s amazing how time can heal a wound that we never thought could be healed. Your little one is growing up so fast!

  6. pat chance says:

    I can’t beleive its been 2 years already. I remember your phone call. I am very glad you have a beautiful family to help you heal.

    Video of E crawling is cute but I want to grab her and hold her so she won’t cry.

    1. She’s gotten better about crawling, but still cries when I’m not within touching distance.

  7. Sweet E. She’s alternatively pleased with herself and totally upset that she can’t get there fast enough. Thinking of you on this day, and smiling for your little ladies.

  8. Thank you for sharing this with us. Sending big hugs and lots of love your way.

  9. Mr. Serious says:

    I’m also very thankful that God has brought us healing. Thank you for writing this.

  10. Your daughter is beautiful. I love the wind chimes for your son too. What a wonderful way to keep him with you.

    1. Thanks, Sue. It’s a nice gentle hello at just the right time.

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