alternate title: Crack is Whack, yo!

Dear Fellow Diner,

Today, on a whim, I called my husband and scheduled a lunch date.  I drove downtown to join him for lunch.  You see, we don’t have lunch dates anymore.

So, imagine my surprise, when my husband tells me I need to turn around. 

“Why,” I ask?

“Because this girl’s crack is totally showing.”

Now, at this juncture, I had a dilemma.  Did I really want to see your crack?  Well, I had to oblige, because he was pretty insistent.

I turned left. 

He told me I needed to turn the other way.

I turned right.

He said I didn’t turn far enough.

He told me I needed to turn my head like an owl.

“Oh, that’s subtle.”

So, I pretend to look in my purse at my phone and that’s when I see it.

Your crack, sticking right out for all the world to see.  It was practically waving hello.

Seriously, how did you not notice that breeze back there?  It wasn’t just a tip of your crack!  I was a couple inches.

Maybe you were proud of your crack?  And, your no-panties-wearing-self!

But me, I was upset that my husband was on a lunch date with me and had to see your crack.

So, if it’s not too much to ask…please get some clothes that cover your crack!

Yours kindly,

The lady who was trying to have a nice lunch date with her husband.


PS No, he wasn’t staring at it, he was just surprised.

PPS Nobody likes to see crack.  Don’t you ever listen to Whitney Houston?  Crack is Whack, yo!


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  1. I dont know what is funnier – the title of your blog or the "Crack is whack, yo" comment…

    How do people NOT know their butt is half way hanging out??? Seriously!

  2. She must be catching wind on a regular basis because there's no way she shouldn't notice that.

    It would have been hilarious (albeit repulsive) if she had tissue paper sticking out of the crack. Oh I just grossed myself out.

  3. Kudos to you for finding a way to write "crack" 10 times in 1 entry. Although you might now be scarred for life.

  4. LMAO! Doesn't it figure, though? We think our kids are the sole source of embarassment and discomfort in our world and then you go out on rare occasion to be an adult and are assaulted by the general public. People. Are. Strange.
    Glad you got to sneak away for lunch! Hope the crack didn't ruin your appetite!

  5. I hate seeing people's cracks! All the ones who show it off act like they don't know they're doing it. I'm with you, how could you not?

    Hope you had a great lunch date otherwise.

  6. Hahaha my favorite cracks are the ones with the thongs showing. SERIOUSLY?! Can you NOT pull up your pants?????? WOULD IT KILL YOU? I have no desire to see what's under there….I'm sure glad someone else notices these things.

    Love, Mere

  7. Soooo unfortunate. Hope your lunch was still nice together, although a little 'tainted.'

  8. I'm pretty sure there are lots of people who like crack. Hopefully you aren't friends with any of them! I'm sorry you had to go through this – sounds horrible! My thoughts are with you lol!

  9. I am sorry some crack ruined your lunch but it sure did make for a funny story.

  10. I'm just glad it wasn't YOURS. When you said you had to turn your head like an owl, I got nervous 😉

    Maybe you could've drop a Victoria's Secret catalogue on her table? It's a BIG HINT.

  11. Don't you kinda just want to go and pull up their pants or pull there shirt down a little. I can't stand seeing other peoples asses!!! Cover it up!!!

  12. i love adding "tastic" to any word but especially this one! although sorry you had to be a witness 🙂

  13. too funny…where is the phone pic? just kidding.

  14. I agree – people HAVE to notice if their crack is showing. I don't get it…

  15. Thats hilarious..not the crack, but your comments! lol
    Crack is whack, yo! haha
    Thanks for the laugh..sorry you have to endure seeing it, but it made for a great post!
    Hope yall make it to another lunch date soon! (free of crack!!)

  16. "waving hello"!?!? That's hilarious!!
    Ugh, I hate seeing crack though. DISGUSTING!

  17. That's why I wore belts while pregnant – number one crack offenders are pregnancy pants.

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