Honesty is the best policy….right?


Earlier this week, I went out with some girl friends to hang out and have a glass of wine.

We were chatting about the usual; kids, vacations, husbands, cleaning, etc. Your typical night out.

Except, I learned something. Something that I’m quite baffled and surprised by.

Some of them mentioned that they hide things from their husbands; things like clothes, shoe and purse purchases. Literally, they hide them. Not just not tell them, but they have hiding places so their husbands don’t find out.

And, on the rare chance they do find out, they admitted to lying to their spouses/significant others.

I’m not judging. I just don’t get it.

I didn’t understand this idea.

I still don’t understand this idea.

I said this to my friends. I told them I have never had to lie about a purchase. They told me I am lucky because Mr. Serious doesn’t get upset at me for buying things. They said their husbands get upset with them and give them a hard time.

I countered that I am a very frugal person and he knows if I buy something that I think it was a good deal and he usually tells me how proud he is of me for getting such a good deal.

Maybe it’s because I’m not an impulse buyer, so I think about my purchases before I make them. Most of the time actually doing research to find the best deal.

Maybe I am lucky that Mr. Serious does not care about a shoe purchase or a pair of jeans. Maybe he’s lucky that I wouldn’t lie about it.

Honesty is one of the rocks of our relationship and I like it that way.

So, I put this out to you: Do you lie to your husband? About clothing purchases or shoes? About your kids? About what you had for lunch?

Feel free to go anonymous if you are truly worried about it. But, I’d really like to know; are Mr. Serious and I a rarity or the norm?

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  1. I am with you on this one, I don't do that either. I like to shop don't get me wrong, and J is more about saving. I realize that if I have to lie about my purchases then I probably shouldn't have bought them in the first place, so I just don't. We have a joint account so he would see anything anyways. lol

    I can't imagine lieing about that stuff to the hubs.

  2. I have no need to lie about any of my purchases. I'm an "toned down" impulse buyer but I also can justify any purchase I make. I consider that a gift 😉 But I also never make purchases that I know aren't smart. But I do give into my wants frequently. We seem to have a good balance that way because Tim does too.

    I know women that make purchases and hide things though. But if I had their husbands, I probably would do the same thing. Or then you have the husbands who know about it but would just rather not see the boxes 🙂 That's how Tim used to be. Haha!

  3. Nope, I don't lie about anything. I know a lot of people do that but I'm just not one of them.

  4. Whew…I'm glad you're not judging since I was a part of that conversation! 😉

    Ok, here's my take on it…
    If I buy just one or two items, I tell Alex. I'm not an impulse buyer, however, so I rarely only buy one thing at a time. When I go shopping, it's with a purpose and I generally have a list of things I want/need. However, Alex wigs out when he sees the total sum all together, so I just don't say anything and gradually show him my purchases.
    Lying? Technically, yes, I guess. I prefer to think of it as lack of communication.
    However, all of our accounts are joint accounts as well as our credit card. Alex pays all the bill, etc, so basically he knows how much I spend and where anyways.

  5. I don't lie about anything. Sometimes, I'll leave something out, but he finds out about it anyway. Plus, since I'm a stay-home mom, if I buy something it would be with "his" money, so you know. He kinda needs to know.

  6. Hanging my head in guilt. Just yesterday, I had to sneak in a bag from Banana Republic, as I bought a pair of pants and sweater. I literally hid it from him. And this was not the first time I had done this. Because he has talked to me time and time again about how I spent too much money on clothes for me and the kids and we just can't afford it! I say "I know, I will stop…" and then 4 days later, I go shopping again. It's terrible. And so I hide the purchases to avoid the discussion that is sure to follow. However, I'm stupid because he does all the bill paying, and in a couple of weeks he'll notice I went shopping anyway. He's just being smart about things, and I'm not. So there ya go… guilty as charged. And yes, I will sometimes lie about what I've had for lunch, especially if I tell him I'm dieting… he'll ask "What did you have for lunch?" and if I had a wrap and Greek salad, I might just say Greek salad. Terrible of me. But at least I'm admitting this here! And eventually he finds all this out anyway. And it's not 'bad' lies. God, I sound terrible!

  7. sometimes, husbands don't need to know about every little thing. I really don't feel that is lying because the things that I find neat at the store, he thinks is stupid. With that being said, we do have a joint account and I never use my credit card so he knows how much I spend and where. He gives me crap all the time about what I spend, but I get really good deals, so I feel that it's a-ok.

  8. sometimes, husbands don't need to know about every little thing. I really don't feel that is lying because the things that I find neat at the store, he thinks is stupid. With that being said, we do have a joint account and I never use my credit card so he knows how much I spend and where. He gives me crap all the time about what I spend, but I get really good deals, so I feel that it's a-ok.

  9. I'm pleading the 5th.

    No, seriously, I used to. I used to hide things in the back of my closet, or say that my sister, mom, or friend gave the item to me. Then I just stopped. I don't know when that changed…I guess I got sick of the guilt involved. Now I just tell him. But sometimes he gets frustrated that I buy things but I just tell him like it is. I don't buy things often and when I do he doesn't have the right to say a word. I work full time (so does he) I pay my portion (usually more than my portion) of the bills and expenses so he can keep his nose out of it. Most of the time he doesn't say anything about it at all. Unless I'm asking him for gas money, LOL.
    We've grown and know what's acceptable in our marriage and what is not. I think I stopped the hiding when our relationship matured.

  10. I used to hide stuff from my ex-husband. We each had our own accounts, credit cards etc. so there was no way for him to find out. We seriously lacked the ability to communicate (one reason for the divorce). Now I tell my husband everything even though I pay the bills etc. Usually because I am all about the bargain shopping and am proud of how much I have saved!

  11. Bonus points for not judging. I'm having a hard time following suit. There's only one time I lie to the hubby about purchases. That's when they're gifts for him. I'm totally with you… I don't get it. What's the point of lying? Especially when he's going to find out eventually?

  12. You are definietly very lucky to be in a relationship that you can be 100% honest with your spouse!

    That being said, I grew up in a household where my Mom lied to my Dad. My Dad never thought we needed to buy anything and my Mom always wanted to buy everything. Two very different extremes made for two very argumentitive parents. My mom lied to my Dad and we as the children suffered because we often had to follow suit so we didn't get mom in trouble. We'd tell him Grandma bought them for us or take the back way to the stairs so he didnt see the bags. It was really awful and they fought a lot.

    Because of this, I have learned, one, not to want to buy everything. I am the girl that wants something and walks around the store with it and gripes and moans thinking if i should really get it, and usually I dont.

    But when I do, Sidnei always knows about it. And he never complains, in fact he is always telling me to go and buy myself something. Thankfully this comes in handy because we don't have the cash flow we had before. I have PLENTY of things (of the ones I love to buy like purses) and so we generally only buy the things we need. For me, it's shoes. I didn't bring many shoes with me. So when I find a pair that I like on a good price, Sidnei is happy that I bought them. He never gives me a hard time about purchases and I am so grateful for that. It was a hard learning curve when I was growing up and for me it was important in my marriage that we were open about things.

  13. I am totally with you. I believe a good foundation for a lasting marriage is honesty. I do not have to lie about anything to Joe. Nor do I want to.

    I don't understand why some lie to their husbands about money, clothes, food or anything else for that matter. You have committed to spend the rest of your life with this person but you can't tell him you bought a new purse and you may have busted the budget doing it!

    Man up and be honest! He will love you for it.

  14. I definitely don't! I've bought things and not told him right away, but that is usually if he is traveling or not around.

    I feel no need. We have a budget. As long as I stay within my spending allowance, what does it matter?

  15. No, I've definitely never done that though I've heard of it too – but honestly we don't have enough money for me to buy something I can't even justify telling him about. Although like Shawna said, if it's a present for him I'd try not to mention it, but even then I'd be all girly and giddy and blabber, "I bought you a present – haha!" or "I bought something and yoooouuuu don't know what it is yet!" Cause I'm mature.

  16. I'm with you. Honesty is sooo important. I share everything with Ken. Hugs!!

  17. I never lie to my husband or hide anything. I'm kind of neurotic about it because my parents hid stuff from each other. They were very frugal except when it came to spending money on my sister and I, then sometimes they would overdo it. I remember when each of my parents would ask my sister and I to hide stuff from the other parent. Totally uncool. So, like I said, I tell him about every purchase, every single dollar I spend and what I spend it on. I am also frugal and do not really buy anything besides needs. Wants are left only for Birthdays or Christmas.

  18. I was shocked when my neighbour told me she did this. I thought she was the only one.

    However, my husband and I have a very share-all-the-roles arrangement, which is common in my work circle, rare in my neighbourhood and hubby's work circle. We both take out the trash, and we both bathe the kids, and we both cook, and we both do laundry. It makes sense for us to both watch the budget.

    As a general rule, we check in with one another for unexpected purchases of $200 or more, but that isn't always feasible. (For instance, I dropped $350 on theatre tickets to celebrate my mother-in-law's unbelievably positive cancer prognosis, and sent hubby an e-mail about it, even though he wouldn't see it for a few days.) He has said, more than once, that we're unusual, and very fortunate, to see eye-to-eye on money, because he's seen that be a huge stressor in a lot of his employees' marriages.

    From time-to-time, I'll get a note that says, "Don't look at the bank account for the next few days. It might spoil the surprise." And I don't. And his presents are always amazing, however much they cost.

  19. I am with you on this one. I just don't get it. Why lie about it? My mom lies to my dad about stuff she buys and everything else and I could just never understand it.

  20. Nope, Patrick is completely aware of my insane shopping addiction! 🙂 But, I never, ever, ever pay full price for anything, so I love to show off my great deals!

  21. I used to lie, and say "oh I have had that forever" Especially when we had a joint account and he would literally yella tme if I took out 20 dollars to spend for lunch, this did not happen every day.. but. Now we have seperate accounts, and I give him more than enough to pay bills and put money in to our savings. i can buy what i want with the rest, and usually he is with me when I make a purchase and will help me get the best deal by shopping around, but for some reason he still gets jealous cuz he has no mad money, so we adjuste dthe budget so he can have mad money also without feeling that he isn't providing for the family. It took a long way to get to this point!

  22. I've called my husband from the dressing room before and said "I'm about to spend such and such, is that okay?" So, I guess you know my answer… 😉

    And p.s. I think that's ridiculous. What else are they "hiding??"

  23. Oh, I've hidden stuff before.

    I'm not going to lie.

    I don't do it as often anymore but I have definately done it before.

  24. I'm the same as you. I'm frugal and thrifty. I find deals and can't imagine hiding my spending. If anything M is usually bugging me to spend more money on myself, especially when it comes to socks and panties LOL!

  25. Ok, I just had to come back and comment again real quick…

    For the record, I don't tell him that I went shopping, but if he comes right out asks me if I went shopping and what I bought…I don't lie then.

    And shopping is the only thing I lie about.

    I know some people think that it's OK since they buy stuff on sale and their hubbys think "oh what a good deal wifey got" but my husband just thinks I didn't need a new shirt in the first place…

  26. I dont lie but I dont always run in the house and tell. I never have. He doesnt either. My Hub is a well dressed man and buys his own clothes so if I see something in the drycleaning pile, he will say, oh yeah, I got that last week. We share all roles and responsibilities in this house but we dont consult on personal purchases.

  27. Yes, I agree, honesty is a big part of the foundation of marriage. I don't have to lie about any purchases, beacause actually, my husband is always trying to Get me to buy stuff!

    I am very frugal, but then I do talk (ok sometimes whine a little) about something I need and he'll just say well why haven't you just gotten it already? Or he'll say, when I go to the store, if you see something you need just get it. He knows I'm not an impulse buyer nor do I buy a lot for myself I don't need (but then maybe that's why he says it, naah he's just sweet:).

    I think this comes from my mother too, like some other readers here, she had to be careful what she bought. Or she'd hear about it from my dad. It never actually comes to mind when thinking about buying something, but I'm sure it's in my subconscious somewhere.

    Oh, and we have a joint account too, so he'd know anyway. I'm a stay at home mom, but he's always good about saying it's Our money, unlike other husbands I know.

  28. I could never, ever lie to my husband. We've been honest about EVERYTHING (that might have been bad a few times) but I think that's what makes our relationship so awesome. I can't even lie about the food I eat..

  29. I sometimes don't just offer the information but if he asks me I tell him the truth. Usually when he makes little remarks about a new shirt or something it is just to mess with me.

    I have noticed that if I know that I am going shopping or something and I mention that it would be nice to have this or that he usually tells me to get it and has even been known to offer to let me to go the mall solo for a new outfit.

  30. Ryan makes the money.
    Ryan pays the bills.
    Ryan knows what I buy.
    I do not hide it. I get the money from him {duh}.
    However, even if I made my own money I wouldn't lie to him.
    "Hailey, where did you get those jeans?" How do you explain when you have on something new and he clearly knows it is new?

  31. The hubs and I have a full disclosure policy. I don't tell him every time I buy a tee shirt at Target, but we always discuss note worthy purchases. : )

  32. Alright, so I'm not married, which might mean that I don't qualify to answer the question, but I'm going to.

    I'm really uncomfortable with this. I mean, I don't think anyone should have to run to their husband each and every time they buy something, especially if it's just a shirt but they shouldn't LIE about it either. It just seems like there wouldn't be any reason to lie, especially if he'll see the payment go through the bank any way.

    I'm grateful that I can say my relationship is one based off of honesty as well, and if it ever came to lying about the things I was buying then I would think I probably have a spending problem, don't you say?

  33. Occasionally I will tell a little white lie about the number of sweets I have eaten, lol. I might say I had two when I really had like 400! But then within a day I can't stand it anymore and I end up telling him anyways if he didn't already see it on my face. I am a horrible liar.

  34. not many lies to tell here, especially with a joint account that we both check daily. so there is a lot of openess in our relationship:)

  35. sounds like a healthy relationship for you, your friends need to think it over… and i am sure they are

  36. I don't feel the need to lie to my husband about purchasing anything. We both have our own bank accounts that our respective paychecks go into. We've split up the bills in a way that we like and think makes sense. I don't have access to his and he doesn't have access to mine. If the bills are paid and we want to purchase something we do.

    The only time I've ever felt the need to lie about purchasing something is if it was a gift for him and I want it to be a surprise. But is that really lying, I don't think so.

    I do not judge anyone who feels the need to bend the truth with this. Each relationship is different, each marriage is different. And different does not have to mean wrong!!!

  37. I don't lie or hide things per se, I just don't always tell Brad about every purchase I make. I never spend money that we don't have. I am actually more strict about the budget than he is. I jsut got so tired of getting the third degree every time he saw Loft on the cc bill. So now I use cash for everything and he doesn't need to know how much I spend or what I buy. As long as it is in the budget, we don't have a problem. I don't really see it as an honesty issue.

  38. Can I participate even though I don't have a significant other or spouse? OK, thanks, I will. Obviously, you and Papa Bear know I don't lie about my purchases. When someone asks what I spent on something I will gladly tell them. But, I am very much like you (well, kind of) I try to research my expensive purchases, but I DO make them. But, I don't own many things that cost a significant amount of money (in my eyes, at least). And I ALWAYS call you, MY voice of reason, before I make a big purchase. Like the cowboy boots…I didn't have to buy them, but after I left the rodeo I couldn't sleep knowing they weren't in my closet 🙁 But, I did my research and got them on ebay with free shipping, no tax and $20 less than they were at the rodeo!!! Since I am now on the DR plan I want to lie to myself and whip out the debit card, but I haven't….and it's very difficult.
    ps You and Papa Bear have a marriage/relationship/love I really hope I have one day!

  39. this floors me. not judging either, but in my world this just wouldn't fly. everything is shared and out in the open.

    to each their own i guess?

  40. I'm so with you on this one. I would never lie or hide anything from Leo. I guess it's because I don't buy a lot of stuff that I just don't need. I've always been this way–even when I had a paying job!

    My sisters-in-law both make fun of me for checking with Leo before I buy things that I don't need but may want (on the rare occassion I'm in Houston shopping with them). They just can't believe that I would ask "for permission". I don't see it as asking for permission…it's just that I respect him and I would hate to have an argument over something so trivial about clothes or shoes.

  41. Hubby and I are the same way. I dont keep big secrets and I dont lie. I dabbled with that when I was a teenager and I thought I needed to rebel against my parents. I hated the feeling.

  42. I don't lie about purchases, but sometimes he doesn't even know that I went shopping. I don't ever purposely keep things from him, but he isn't that observant so he misses a lot. I am a bargain shopper anyway, the hubs is the one who spends the big bucks!

  43. I am with John 24/7 now that we are retired. I have no chance to lie to him….not that I ever did…well maybe I do a little….I sometimes spend more money on gifts for our kids and grandkids than I admit…shhh…don't tell him…he is happier not knowing what things actually cost…. I don't lie to him…I just don't tell him everything.
    Besides, he has a new honey now. Come by my blog and find out what he did.

  44. I am an honest girl! 🙂

    Plus, Chet checks the bank account often, and I could never keep money aside without him knowing!

    I am with you, honestly is what makes the relationship!

  45. I grew up with a girl whose mom TAUGHT her & her sister to hide every purchase in the trunk of the car & just gradually get out what they wanted to wear so their dad wouldn't know how much they bought.

    I never did that. When my mom & I went shopping, the rule was that I had to show my dad what I bought & maybe even try it on (bathing suits!) If I couldn't show it to him, then I couldn't buy it. Now, I sometimes get frustrated with myself because I can't let myself buy something without asking him first!!

  46. Lying about stuff like that is sooo wrong. Talk about having some faith! Granted, my husband can get mad at me, but I NEVER lie. Usually I know he'll get mad at me, but it's a good deal so I don't feel as guilty. I might not TELL him unless he asks, but I never hide anything and he certainly knows it. He's going to find out if he's doing our finances anyway! Wow, I'm surprised by this too. Their marriages must not be as solid as ours if they have to do that!

  47. I've never lied about anything I've bought and, except for presents, I've never hidden anything. Sometimes he would comment "Did you really need that?", but he never gives me a hard time about it. I can be an impulse buyer, but I never buy anything really expensive. I don't need to know about every euro he spends and vica versa.
    Most of the money spent on clothing/shoes probably goes to the kids.


  48. I don't lie…I try it on for him or show him the goods for the kids! Since he travels a good bit, he doesn't see everything that comes in the house right away (but usually I tell him about my fun shopping)!! I used to be nervous about telling him how much money I spent (especially when I first started the staying at home and we decreased our income by half). But I told him…he really doesn't care. He knows that I will get what we need and sometimes spend extra, but as long as we meet our saving budget he doesn't care.

  49. My husband is never home so it never really has been much of a issue I guess. I buy things and he may not even notice I bought it for months at a time because he is gone. He may ask once in a while is that new and I will say yeah about 3 months ago it was new but you were gone. He will so OH OK either he likes it or dislikes is not even mentioned. LOL So I guess I have a get out of jail free card becuase he is never here anyway.

  50. i'm with you, no lying here! i cannot lie to my hubby! i love that we are so honest with each other. we're both frugal too and we have a budget, and even though we have a budget I'll still ask if it's ok for some purchases=)

  51. Ohhh, good post! We discuss almost every purchase we both make, if it's over 50 dollars or so… so no.

    If it's anyone that tries to hide new clothing, it's my husband 😉

    Honest is the root of marriage.

  52. I'm thankful I have never "had" to lie about buying anything. Sure it helps that I pretty much hate shopping in general…so when I DO actually go out and buy something not essential, I, like you, look for a deal and get excited if I find one, then share with hubby!

    Good post!

  53. Sparkette says:

    You know I have recently heard people tell me the same… I tell Mark because I am like you…I usually find a good deal and I don't really buy it unless I can get a good deal on it. Very rarely do I do otherwise, but I do discuss with him first.

  54. I know some people that do that. I think you're blessed to have the kind of husband that you do.

    Why hide things and lie to your husband about what you bought? I think if you lie about shopping, it will lead to other things later on. Some people become habitual liars because they've done it for so long. I think it's best to have open communication. If people are hiding their purchases, they are probably feeling guilty about buying it.

    Most husbands I know don't care what their wives buy as long as they stay withing the budget and not spend $400 and up on one shopping trip for a few things.

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