The one thing I wish people would have said to me about grieving

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Grief is an ugly thing, but it’s a natural thing and part of a process that we all go through. Recently, I’ve been thinking about grief and grieving. So many loved ones are experiencing it, and to be honest, I think we are all grieving in some way. I went back to the hardest loss I’ve experienced, and thought about it and realized there was something often missing and really one thing I wish people would have said to be about grieving. 

The one thing I wish people would have said to me about grieving

It’s okay…

But, no, not what you think I mean. The feelings are roller coasters and ocean waves and you never know what to expect. 

Not it’s okay, like all is well, but instead,

“It’s okay to…”

Laugh uncontrollably

Cry until there are no more tears

Laugh cry

Feel lost

Feel broken

Be angry

Have fun

Not want to do anything

Not know how to go on

Tell a joke

Be funny

Enjoy yourself

Be absolutely miserable

Feel like your heart is breaking into a million pieces

Feel like things will never be right

Know that one day things will be easier and today is not that day

Have a good day

Have a bad day

Fall apart

Push through because you feel like you have to, not because you want to

sadness and grief

There isn’t a right or wrong way to grieve. It’s okay to have the feelings, no matter what they are. I think sometimes we try to project our feelings on others and almost suggest how they should feel. 

It would have made me feel better knowing that others had the same feelings I had when I was grieving. To know that I wasn’t alone in my feelings. 

People said other things right, too, and they were appreciated, but in those moments of feelings, I would have liked somebody to tell me it was okay to feel just that way.

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6 Comments

  1. I can totally relate. I hate that grief has been labeled something we shouldn’t talk about and just get over. Hugs dear, I love you.

  2. I’ve heard some people ask why one is laughing, or why they look like everything is fine when they feel visible signs should be there… but these are coping mechanisms that are normal. It’s okay to process grief in whatever way you need to. <3 Love you.

  3. This, just so much this.

    How powerful. And beautiful. Thank you for sharing this, Krystyn.

    Sending you love as grief doesn’t just go away, it’s a journey we forever navigate.

    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

      It certainly never goes away, does it.

  4. Gloria Peters says:

    To me grieving is a journey. It like you are on a road that has hills and valleys. Grief is never easy and there’s always twist and turns. Sometimes you go
    The wrong way and have to remind yourself it’s ok! There’s a road that leads us to God where he helps us with our wrong turns (grief). We just have to tell him about our journey and he will provide us comfort and guidance all the way. There are many days, I have to ask God to pull me back up and remind me there are those we loved so much that have gone on to a much beautiful and better place then we are today. They are always with us and we all will meet again in God’s heavens of heavens to complete our journey ????????

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